Just keep it coming… I’m still not crying

Me: Hey, are you still dropping by? I’m leaving tonight eh.

C: What time, I was thinking of dropping by at 10 after I have dinner and go to the grocery. Are you going to the Bigfish party?

Me: Nope, just gonna hang out with high school friends. 10 is ok, I plan to leave around that time or later.

Before 10pm:

C: Hey, I can’t make it anymore. :( I’m with my cousins and we’ll finish late. Take care on your gimmick and don’t drink too much ok?

Me: Ok, too bad I wanted to see you before you leave tomorrow. I was gonna give you a goodbye note too. How do I pass it to you now?

C: I didn’t expect that my cousins would stay this long. Have you left the house?

Me: Yeah, I already left. What now?

C: Can you drop it at my house nalang? I haven’t packed, huhuhu!

After a few more texts:

C: Hey, I really have to sleep now. Have to be up early tomorrow. 

Me: Yup. I’m not yet going home. I’ll wake you up later when I drop by ok? I don’t think I can wake up too early tomorrow.

C: I think I can’t wake up anymore. :( Slip the note in the garage, throw it far so it reaches the door, then I’ll get it first thing after I wake up tomorrow. Goodnight Yncs. We’ll still see each other!

I didn’t reply. When I was on my way home at about 3:30 AM I dropped by his house and called him once. No answer. So I dropped the note.

And this morning:

C: Yncs, I got the letter. I’ll read it when I get to Cebu and when I’m settled. I like the paper bag, I thought it was perfume!

Me: Haha. I didn’t have an envelope. Safe flight to Cebu and good luck on your first day tomorrow. :)

C: You woke up really early! I read the letter and super thank you for everything. Not that I’m saying goodbye but for having you as a friend. I already boarded the plane. :)

———-

I gave him a goodbye card that basically said:

“I’m happy I was able to see you off before you leave. I was supposed to surprise you on the party itself but I had to set meetings and you’d see me in the office anyway. But I just want you to know that I came here for you, and it’s something I’d do– hopefully I succeeded in making you believe that. I’ll miss you! :)”

———-

So judge it yourself… and see if it’s worth crying about.

One thing’s for sure and it’s that I flew back for him. 

How it went

How WHAT went? :P

Well, I had my share of office intrigue as well. I could see their faces when they saw me there! Especially that bitch’s face!!! I wanted to smack it right then and there.

The first question asked was whether I was there for what they thought it was. Of course, my answer was a shaken, “Whaaaaat?! No! What would make you think that?”

But then a friend asked me in front of C. And I spoke in the lowest voice ever. Then C later came up to me and asked me himself– he thought I had a job interview or something. I didn’t give a direct answer.

The party was great. We had to go up to the stage to sing. About 25 of C’s friends were there. I didn’t have as much videoke fun than this one! I was supposed to sing “Always” by Atlantic Starr with another guy but C grabbed the mic and we sang it together in front of everyone. God, my face! I was trying soooo hard to look neutral and UNaffected! But that bitch was pointing at me again and making something out of that. What a fucking bitch!!!

I would have wanted to tell C that I was here for him. Instead what came out was, “Believe it or not I’m here for your party.” Guess what he answered?

“I know. I know.”

???

???

???

At least he said, “We’ll still see each other…” (At least that’s reassuring)

And when they brought me home he said he might drop by the house today. Awwwww.

Now I’m waiting… I’m leaving at 9 for drinks with my high school friends!!! What now!!!

Go girl

God, grant me the courage to do what I have to do.

What I have been planning to do.

What I should have done a long time ago.

Now I’m doing this, there’s no turning back. I need to do this. SHIT!!!

Believe me

This is how the conversation went.

*: My family wants me on Saturday. We can’t go out. That’s if you’re in fact going home. Haha.

Me: So you finally believe me? :)

*: Haha. Possibly. Maybe.

Me: :)

*: Were you drunk last night? :P

Me: Did I sound drunk???

*: Haha, no! I’m joking!!! It was just so sudden.

Me: Why, is it hard to believe? Haha. :)

Apparently he won’t believe me until he sees me there, in person, in the flesh. 

AND HE WILL!

Made of Honor: *****

If I hadn’t watched this with a guy, I would have gushed and cried in the theatre.

I could so relate!!! 5 stars!!!

Why nice guys (girls) finish last!

Dating Secret Exposed: Why Nice Guys Finish Last 

 

By April Masini

Special to Yahoo! Personals

Updated: Jun 20, 2008

 

Are you a nice guy who has always wondered why the cocky guy — the one who barely appears interested in the girl — is usually the one who gets the girl?

 

Have you suffered from hearing the words, “You’re a really nice guy, but I only like you as a friend,” from a woman who you would do (or may, in fact, have already done) just about anything and everything for — only to turn around and watch her date (or even chase) a guy who treats her like she’s nothing special? And are you stumped wondering why she would date a guy who treats her like that when she could have you who would treat her like a princess and give her everything she wants? Well, you better brace yourself because I’m going to tell you a couple of secrets that you might not want to hear.

 

First, “nice” equates with boring and predictable. Look up “nice” in the dictionary and you find: pleasant; agreeable; satisfactory. In other words, average — not exceptional, not exciting, and not sexy.I’ll bet you’ve never heard a woman say she didn’t want to date a guy because he was too confident, too passionate, or too exciting — have you? But, I’ll bet you have heard women say things like, “He’s such a nice guy. He’s so sweet and he’s always there for me, but I only like him as a friend.” Or, “He’s such a good guy — kind, thoughtful, generous, honest, loyal — but there’s no chemistry. He just doesn’t turn me on.” Sadly, I hear it all the time. The fact is, Mr. Nice Guy, you cannot bore a woman into feeling attracted to you or into wanting to date you. And as obvious as that sounds, if you are one of those guys I described that is exactly what you are trying to do. And it won’t work.

 

Please understand that I am not suggesting that you mistreat women or disrespect them in any way. What I suggesting is that you value and respect yourself more.

 

To illustrate what I mean: The answer to the question, “Why does the guy who doesn’t appear to care as much about the girl get the girl?” is simple: The nice guy cares too much, too soon. He has made the woman too important and too valuable and it shows in everything he says and does. He is too available, too eager to please, too accommodating, and he gives too much — all without getting anything in return. By doing so, he has made himself appear desperate, insecure, needy of this woman’s attention, affection, and approval — and he has stripped himself of any value in her eyes. After all, if he’s already doing and giving everything, without her doing or giving anything – why would she value him? She won’t. She is not going to value him any more than he values himself. What she is going to do is look for someone else, someone who she perceives as being more worthy, more confident, and more valuable.

 

It works like this:  Once you need something, or you want it too badly, you forfeit your strength and lose all power of negotiation. You are in a position of weakness and you are perceived as weak. Someone (or something) else is in control of you, the situation, and it’s outcome. Men in this situation appear to be anything but confident, strong, and exciting. More, they are perceived as being unworthy and as lacking value.

 

Translation: Things that are easily acquired, obtained, or maintained, without any effort or sacrifice, lack value… it’s human nature.

 

The secret to why the cocky guy wins with women, over the nice guy, is that he is perceived as being a stronger, more confident guy with more value. How? He never invests everything — his entire being, ego, and self-worth in what one woman’s response or reaction to him is. He doesn’t gush with compliments; he isn’t always available; he doesn’t give too much; and he knows he isn’t going to die if a woman says “no” to him. More, his attitude is, yeah, I’d like to go out with you, but if I can’t, that’s OK — I’m a busy guy, with exciting things going on, and lots of other options.

 

Cheers to the graduate…

So, I’m feeling particularly better this Sunday and I have decided to write this long overdue post on my graduation from the MISE program I’ve been on for the past 2 years. :)

On May 16, I took my fourth flight to Copenhagen for our fourth (and last) Module– this time with all 360 trainees around– for the four final exams in Maritime Law, Logistics, Terminal Management, and Liner Trade during the first week, for a self-leadership week in the Danish woods, and for our formal graduation ceremony.

I arrived in Copenhagen on Friday night as usual after an 18-hour flight from via Amsterdam (I did not forget to buy my Haagen-Dazs Pralines & Cream!), and stayed up longer catching up with my American friend Ashleigh, who crashed at my room for the night. The next day we had breakfast at the hotel then went shopping at H&M in Stroget, yayyy! After she left to check in at her hotel, all of us SEAns had lunch in Nyhavn– at the place we first had lunch in Module 1! We got back to the hotel to study a bit (but I actually spent it catching up with my roomie Sushil), then had dinner at Butterfly, my fave pizza place in Stroget, then got ready for the next day, the official start of Module 4!

Glad to see my dear SEA MISEs again! All of us stayed at 71 Nyhavn Hotel

The first week was just normal, not taking the exams into account. I wasn’t in a very social mood this time as I was worried about the exams, so every night I spent studying for the exam the next day! Besides, there really wasn’t an activity room, and we missed the warm, cozy Karlslunde atmosphere this time. :( The food was much better though! I had bacon and eggs, and yogurt for breakfast every single day!

The exams weren’t as hard as I expected, but that’s coz I prepared thanks to my two consistent study-mates Pai and Yim! I messed up Liner Trade though coz I ran out of time…

The second week we spent in the Danish woods for our self-leadership week. Man, was it just physically exhausting! I was lucky though to be in a strong group with 7 guys from Australia, New Zealand, Taiwan, Brazil, China, South Africa, and Italy, and there were three of us girls from the Philippines, Denmark, and Jordan. On the first night we slept in an inflatable liferaft– 25 of us, and it was my most excruciating night ever! For the three days after we went through a day of physical and mental activity we’d walk more than an hour to our campsites, cook food camp-style, build our own tents out of wood and tarpaulin, and get into our sleeping bags on damp leafy soil! Eeeek. We weren’t given the privilege to shower either, so imagine that… by third morning I was ready to burst, as I was obviously not made for the outdoors! On the second day though, despite the heavy rains and freezing wind my group won, so we had a nice hearty dinner! :) And believe it or not, I was the last female standing in my group, unscathed!

The last day of it was worse, my feet were already damn sore, I couldn’t run, and we had to row 4.5 hours across a lake with gale force winds! In the end we all got down from the boats and pushed them across the shallow, muddy water to the finish line. After another series of activities and racing and running and rowing across a swamp, we got to the finish line and were done with the self-leadership week!!! It was the best feeling to have your fellow MISEs greeting you at the finish line and just congratulating everyone for completing it, and the program! It was the best culmination ever, we had a big barbecue and then fireworks! (No pics from it as we weren’t allowed to bring cameras) That night we went back to Copenhagen to stay at our hotels, and I had the best hot shower ever! I think I cleaned myself twice, the first wash was all muddy!!!

The next day we had our final day as MISEs… we had some debriefings and talks at the Black Diamond in Copenhagen, then we were off to Esplanaden for our group picture!!!

That’s me and Sushil among the big crowd of 360!!!

Cheers to the SEA graduates!!!

… And cheers to the only graduate from the Philippines!!! I could not have forgotten to take this picture in front of our headquarters in Esplanaden!!!

After the group photo session, we prepared for our final graduation dinner and ceremony at the Danish National Gallery. We spent an hour of networking with the Top 100 Maersk executives (I can’t believe a lot of us were just star-struck with Eivind Kolding, haha), then the next 3 hours having dinner, presentations from my fellow trainees, and networking with an executive in each table… but after the grueling dinner we were off to K3 in Copenhagen for our final par-tayyy!!!

K3 was actually a cool place– everyone was on the third floor with the R&B music, but the techno music downstairs was much much better! I didn’t have any other pics of the after-party except one with Joost, haha! We spent most of the time at the better techno party downstairs, despite there being about 3 other people on the dance floor (ahhh, only real party people know where the best music is haha!)!!! I wasn’t able to spend as much time on the after-party with my SEA friends, but I’m sure they understood haha! :) I tried to dance a bit on the crowded dance floor on the third floor but it was just hopeless with everyone pushing everyone else with their dancing! I left at about 3:30 with Pai and Yim and we had early early breakfast at McDonald’s in Stroget.

Good times!!! The next day we were all off home, or for most of us, to our vacation countries!– Greece for me! I wasn’t gonna fly in 2 days though, I spent the weekend in Copenhagen with Ria, Alma, Kit, and Mark, getting my much-needed rest, a nice dose of Pinoy food, and a sunny Sunday in the park!

Until now, I can’t believe I’m finally over with MISE!!! I have survived 2 years of work here in Logistics, Customer Service, and now in Sales… and academic work of assignments, forum participation, group tasks, and of course exams! It’s gonna be a new feeling every weekend of not having anything to do at all, going out all I want, and sleeping all day haha! But of course I’ll always miss my fellow MISEs, whom I’ve made such good friends with over the past 2 years… and Copenhagen was the last time I was gonna see most of them, unless we all plan another trip again or something, sniff!

My (gossip) girls Anna and Ashleigh! Who’ve always been with me since Module 1

My fave Dutch party friend Joost

Sushil! Despite being with him only on Module 1, my constant best SEA MISE guy friend

Pai, my Paris & Amsterdam sidetrip partner

And of course my other dear fellow SEAns (haha we couldn’t get everyone in one pic so we had to make do with a foot shot!), who have always been there throughout all the Modules, who served as constant companions, gossip-mates, and study-mates… It’s been almost 2 years since we all met in Bintan and had team-buildings in Singapore. Despite not having a graduation thing this year, I’m sure we’ll find a way to celebrate elsewhere! I love you guys, and thanks for the great 2 years! I’m sure our friendship will not end with MISE…

I cried about this today

It’s not about the travel. 

It’s not about the expatriation.

It’s not about the “secure” future that was promised to you.

In the end, you just can’t and won’t make any compromises with regard to what you know you’re comfortable with, versus what you know you will be passionate about.

The old Manila

I came across this video on my friend Vanessa’s blog and I just had to repost it here. Just look at how beautiful Manila was before the war. If it had been preserved that way I’m sure we’d be more than a country Caucasians visit for the women and the beaches. 

A Tour of Manila, Philippines in the 1930s. Footage from this film is available for licensing from www.globalimageworks.com

A little too well

Okay, I know this song is super baduy and was still from back in the day. But I heard someone playing it in the office and the lyrics just struck me. Among the many other songs I’ve been posting here on my blog, this is probably the most fitting of all of them!

Ariel Rivera – Getting To Know Each Other

I call you and you call me
It’s funny how we get on so easily
We’re just friends, aren’t we?
You’ve got yours, I’ve got mine
And friends are all we ever could be

We’re getting to know each other a little too well
We’re starting to show our feelings and people can tell
Every time that your eyes meet mine I light up like a neon sign
Yes, we’re getting to know each other a little too well

We have lunch every now and then
And I find myself humming love songs again and again
Too many nights I’m workin’ ’till ten
And I hope that you know that it’s hopeless to go on when

———-

Well okay, I’ve been too cryptic. But there’s this guy back in Manila… and we’re very very very good friends. In fact, we’ve been good friends for about 2 years already. Anyway recently, or since I was assigned here to Davao things have been really good–we talk even more than when I was in Manila. He calls me about 2-3 times a week and we constantly keep in touch about our lives, and when I’m in Manila we always go out together. Before I fly out to Davao when I’m home, or before I fly out for my Modules he’s always the last person I’m with. We’ve been too close (physically and emotionally) for comfort. And yes, I like him because I enjoy talking to him, I enjoy his company, and I want to make him a part of my life. Recently I’ve been showing him signs of it such as giving him special stuff, giving the special treatment, even going so far as to surprise him every now and then.

It’s been about 6 months since the really good friendship started but I haven’t really cleared things up. I don’t really know if all this is leading to something, or if he thinks we can be something more. I’m 100% sure we like each other as friends but from the way our conversations and treatment of each other are going I’m just not sure if there could be something more… I think we’re bordering on that though. And that’s one thing I want to make clear but I can’t. People are starting to talk and notice something but we haven’t really talked about it. The things I do for him I think already give me away but he hasn’t reacted in any special way at all. I believe he’s already too dense to be normal but all I can do is think and analyze.

He could not be reacting to all of this because 1) He doesn’t reciprocate my feelings. But then despite my signs of “affection”, why does he still keep in touch with and go out with me? Do I have any reason then to be mad at him for leading me on? 2) He’s not very sure about things yet. Wow, that’s a bit too long! 3) He sees no point in turning this into something. For one, the distance is a problem and consistent communication in itself is not as convenient as before. Also if things go well I will be expatriating soon and there’s no point in getting into things if I’ll be leaving anyway right?

The fact though that I’m away and oftentimes alone outside of work kills me and heightens my feelings even more. When I’m together with him I don’t really feel the cloud 9 magic but time is not enough for us to tell each other everything. When we’re away from each other though, I feel much much more into him.

But until things get clearer… I’ll just be posting all these songs in my blog. :|